Love In Birmingham

(Short humorous story about a romantic tryst in The Midlands city)

Steve would never say he was, as they say, "desperate," but it had been a good few months since he had last been out on a date. In a moment of elation – or, possibly, weakness – after Birmingham City had actually won a match, he confided in his friend, Jerry, this fact, just as they were leaving St. Andrews football ground.

"How long?" said Jerry, choking on his Bovril.

"Many moons," Steve replied.

"I know someone I can set you up with. Her name’s Ann. Leave it to me."

A week later, Jerry said he had got Steve a date.

"How will I recognise her?"

"Easy," said Jerry. "She’ll be in the Bull Ring tomorrow afternoon, dressed all in purple. If you miss her, here’s her mobile phone number."

Steve, however, had his doubts. What if he didn’t like the look of her? To be on the safe side, he took the binoculars he used at football matches with him, so that he could do a reconnaissance of his intended companion, unobserved from a safe distance, and arrived at the Bull Ring twenty minutes early.

He was glad that he had. He spotted a female figure, dressed, unmistakably, all in purple, hovering near the market stalls. All in purple, except for a claret-and-blue scarf.

Just as he was about to sneak away, his mobile rang. It had never occurred to him that Jerry would give his number to her. He didn’t want to be rude.

"Where are we going to meet?" asked a female voice.

Steve had a brainwave. He told her where to find him, then slunk off home.

Next week, Jerry caught up with Steve.

"How could you? How could you do such a thing?" Jerry demanded crossly.

"Do what?"

"Tell Ann to meet you like that?"

"I said, ‘Meet me at the corner of The Rotunda.’ I thought she would have known it was a joke."

"But she was an Aston Villa fan! She was walking round outside the building for three hours!"

The End